coaching blog posts

There are times in our work that we encounter a highly successful professional who has a history of keeping things very close to the vest.  Their trust of outsiders who don’t “know our business” is low, making a coaching engagement with them a very uncertain endeavor.

What is this lack of trust all about?  Often it is a belief that being a “self-made man (or woman)” means that I did it myself, without anyone else’s help.  Especially outsiders.

There are some dangers in this belief, not the least of which is that it cuts off valuable information that comes from hearing a different perspective.

Benefits of Outsiders. Outsiders don’t know, can’t know, all of what goes on inside the organization.  But then, we don’t need to because an effective coach is able to:

• look past the technical business issues to find the larger performance issues that may endanger future growth,
• ask probing questions that are designed to challenge current thinking,
• create healthy discomfort; because without discomfort there is no growth.

Introduce new perspectives. Coaching is designed to introduce new perspectives.  Without new perspectives, organizations organize themselves only around what they know to be true.  They prevent themselves from discovering more effective solutions to their problems.

Developing trust with an outsider can be hard. But it is well worth the risk.  Who knows, it might mark the beginning of a valuable new friendship.

One of my more challenging coaching experiences occurred when I found myself face-to-face with an extremely confident individual.  He was not just confident; he was convinced that he knew the answers to practically everything.  He spoke loudly and rapidly, as if he couldn’t get the words out fast enough.  It was exhausting.

During the first 20 minutes I spent with this gentleman I realized what his co-workers experienced every day.  They did not know how to slow him down or how to get him to listen to their suggestions or solutions.  He already had them, so why should he listen to anyone else.

Listen first. I learned years ago from one of my mentors that the real work with extreme personalities is twofold:

1.  Listen long enough to let them know that you value what they have to say.

2.  Once you have heard them, have the courage to point out the short-term effectiveness of this behavior, but how ineffective it is in the long term.  What they gain in short term solutions actually inhibits the growth of their team.

Benevolent Intent. At AFPD we believe in the concept of benevolent intent– most people in most situations are trying to do the best they can.  Extreme personalities want to get problems solved and they want to demonstrate their worth to their teams, to their bosses, to their companies.

When extreme personalities see that their method of communication is self-defeating, it becomes much easier to help them move to a middle ground that works better for everyone.

What is the difference between coaches and really good coaches?  Hint: it isn’t their knowledge, their experience, or even their latest book.  The real difference lies in the ability to ask “The Question”.

“The Question” is different for every coaching candidate, but it always challenges their point of view—it brings things into focus in a way that didn’t exist before.  It is this ability to ask probing, insightful, difficult questions that moves a coach from good to great.

Go To The Heart. The best coaches look below the surface of a situation and get right to its essence, cutting through the clutter and going to the main point behind the details.

Keep It Simple. The best question is often simple, going directly to root causes.  It facilitates real growth through its ability to bring both clarity and discomfort into the conversation.

When you are looking for a coach, listen to them talk and you will often see this ability in the good ones.  They are able to take what you say, reframe it, and then pose a question that helps you pull the answer out of yourself.  This is where true growth begins.

Coaching is a bi-directional process.  What does that mean?  Simply that the most effective coaching process goes in both directions: from the coach to the candidate and from the candidate to the coach.  You need to know a number of key items about your coach, but for your coaching experience to achieve its greatest value, your coach needs to know some key things about you.

Coaching is not about one person imparting pearls of wisdom to another person.  It is about establishing a relationship with each other that leads to openness and trust.  There are 5 keys to this:

#1.  What is your story? The first step is for your coach to truly understand how you have gotten where you are.  That involves revealing your story—the start of your career through today.  This provides critical perspective to your coach’s understanding of who YOU are right now.

#2.  Who were the key people in your career development? This information helps your coach see the decision points in your path and who was there with you when you made them.  Over time, these individuals make up a kind of who’s who of your life.

#3.  What have been your greatest successes? Your successes are much more important to your ongoing development than your failures.  Your successes demonstrate where you have applied your best wisdom, your keenest insights, your most helpful partnering with others.  Above all, focusing on your success will help you build your confidence for future successes.

#4.  What have you left behind? All of us make decisions that involve leaving other people and places behind.  This is a crucial part of growth for most business professionals.  Recognizing the parts you have left behind can help your coach understand what might be holding you back.

#5.  Where is There? Setting goals is a key component in any coaching process, so having a clear idea of where you want to go is crucial.  Looking into the future, pointing at that goal and saying “In the next two years I want to be there” is helpful only if we really know what there looks like.

Making certain that your coach knows these 5 things about you will help ensure a truly satisfying and successful coaching engagement.